Went to school for my first day of program introduction.
Here are the details:
1. There are only 24 students in this post graduate course. Most of them have just studied psychology.
2. My timetable for the entire term from now until march is out and I know exactly what I will be doing each day of the week. Seems like everyday will be busy for me till December but in Jan next year, it will be easier.
3. I have upcoming exams on statistics on 22nd october, 19th November and 10th December.
4. I have to start on my dissertation by Christmas, a completely new thing for me since I never did one before.
5. I am SCARED SHIT on my studies.
I came back home literally in a state of panic. Looking through the course and the content... I just feel so inadequate to tackle it all. Sure, when I describe it to someone, I deliberately made it look easy and a piece of cake, saying I have experience in all of that... but truth is, that's just me covering it all up. I mean, how the hell am I suppose to remember about statistical concepts like ANOVA and multiple regressions and who cares that I really need to know how to differentiate between my predictors and linear models.
When I first joined SMU, I used to tell people who belittled Psychology that it wasnt a course that was built on theories and people-related concepts. Psychology is first and foremost a statistical and empirical course, where the crux of its research lies in the accuracy and reliability of the statistical analysis behind it. In all psychology courses, the hard truths all boils down to the research work it cites and produces.
How could I have forgotten this fundamental fact?
My sis messaged me this morning and she wished me all the best and quiped about me scoring a perfect GPA again. I smiled when I saw it then. Its not just her, even people around and even myself have an expectation on this program and I am expected (even by myself) to do brilliantly well. And now im just worried... can I do it?
I look at the books that I have to absorb, the citations and references I have to pre-read, the essays that I have to write, the exams that are about to take place and I feel so out of place with no idea how to begin it.
I find myself constantly comparing to other students and you know, they have indepth psychology background, they have just graduated, they know statistics, they know how to write all these essays which is worth 100% of the grade, they have done this research dissertation before. I have never! SMU psychology program did not cater for that. I dont remember the formats, the structure of how to do a review/ critic/ essay... I dont remember the tone essays need to be in, I dont remember topics/ subjects/ language that needs to be used. All my notes that I have in my books are back in Singapore and not here.
I know its not going to be easy. I know there are a tonnes of things to do and I know I need to work harder than most people because these information are fresh in their minds and for me its information I dealt with 8 years ago. And i'm really not confident that I can catch up the way I used to study and more. I really do feel overwhelmed and scared shit.
And it doesnt help that I am by myself. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Here are the details:
1. There are only 24 students in this post graduate course. Most of them have just studied psychology.
2. My timetable for the entire term from now until march is out and I know exactly what I will be doing each day of the week. Seems like everyday will be busy for me till December but in Jan next year, it will be easier.
3. I have upcoming exams on statistics on 22nd october, 19th November and 10th December.
4. I have to start on my dissertation by Christmas, a completely new thing for me since I never did one before.
5. I am SCARED SHIT on my studies.
I came back home literally in a state of panic. Looking through the course and the content... I just feel so inadequate to tackle it all. Sure, when I describe it to someone, I deliberately made it look easy and a piece of cake, saying I have experience in all of that... but truth is, that's just me covering it all up. I mean, how the hell am I suppose to remember about statistical concepts like ANOVA and multiple regressions and who cares that I really need to know how to differentiate between my predictors and linear models.
When I first joined SMU, I used to tell people who belittled Psychology that it wasnt a course that was built on theories and people-related concepts. Psychology is first and foremost a statistical and empirical course, where the crux of its research lies in the accuracy and reliability of the statistical analysis behind it. In all psychology courses, the hard truths all boils down to the research work it cites and produces.
How could I have forgotten this fundamental fact?
My sis messaged me this morning and she wished me all the best and quiped about me scoring a perfect GPA again. I smiled when I saw it then. Its not just her, even people around and even myself have an expectation on this program and I am expected (even by myself) to do brilliantly well. And now im just worried... can I do it?
I look at the books that I have to absorb, the citations and references I have to pre-read, the essays that I have to write, the exams that are about to take place and I feel so out of place with no idea how to begin it.
I find myself constantly comparing to other students and you know, they have indepth psychology background, they have just graduated, they know statistics, they know how to write all these essays which is worth 100% of the grade, they have done this research dissertation before. I have never! SMU psychology program did not cater for that. I dont remember the formats, the structure of how to do a review/ critic/ essay... I dont remember the tone essays need to be in, I dont remember topics/ subjects/ language that needs to be used. All my notes that I have in my books are back in Singapore and not here.
I know its not going to be easy. I know there are a tonnes of things to do and I know I need to work harder than most people because these information are fresh in their minds and for me its information I dealt with 8 years ago. And i'm really not confident that I can catch up the way I used to study and more. I really do feel overwhelmed and scared shit.
And it doesnt help that I am by myself. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
2 comments:
Alamak.. sounding a bit like a kiasu Singaporean stace.. relax, chill for a bit.. the rest of ur classmates prob will not have real life experiences to supplement the papers and UCL is a party sch remember, so that's prob what most of them are doing - continuing the partying from undergrad days.. anyway I've never heard of people asking for the grades earned while undertaking the masters program, so just pass can already la! Ooh unless all these fears are just a diversion so u will concentrate on sch and won't miss home too much, then continue scaring yourself la.. :)
I completely agree. You're right, and spot on about maybe this is a diversion so I will solely concentrate on school instead of home. Never thought about it until you said so. :)
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