It's my first weekend after I started work and I've been hit by the lazy bug, doing nothing more than hibernating under comfortable layers in bed. It's not that I'm being anti-social or training to be a recluse, I'm just beginning to feel a little lost nowadays and need a little time and space to think.
For the last few years, my life has been a series of races and challenges. It's always about getting somewhere and doing something. Its going overseas to work, get good grades, get promoted ASAP, boost your CV, live in Africa, clear gates in projects, meet people, get your Masters, do your reports, get a job, go to 50 places, do new things... and setting these goals and objectives have never been difficult for me, I've always just set it and then did it. But now, I find myself truly at a loss, not just in terms of coming up with more list, but questioning myself, to what end? And the inevitable and dreaded question... now what?
When I reached 21, I had a life plan which involved doing well in my career, going abroad to work and ended off with getting a Masters (well there was the whole get married in 2012 plan but that pooped over in 2011). So now, after completing my course, I realize now the need to re-chart my life and I find, to my own surprise and for once, I truly do not know what to do. Sure, I can go ahead and make stretch goals like learn a new language within 6 months, read 100 books, travel in EU, exercise thrice a week, volunteer again... but these are merely self-made pockets of activities to fill free time, do I really get excited about them, they are starting to lose their appeal to me? Right now, I'm just going through the motions, doing things to get through the day or just because it's the right thing to do.
Instead of coming up with things to do that just sounds cool... perhaps now is the time to start thinking of who I want to be and then, what to do next will just come naturally. If I had a crystal ball that peers into the future, what person would I want to see, what will I be doing?
You know, I really do not know.
Maybe this is just a never ending question that people, during their moments of solitude think about, and then they blank out, sweep it under the carpet and start planning personal stretch goals to distract themselves from ever thinking about it further.
For the last few years, my life has been a series of races and challenges. It's always about getting somewhere and doing something. Its going overseas to work, get good grades, get promoted ASAP, boost your CV, live in Africa, clear gates in projects, meet people, get your Masters, do your reports, get a job, go to 50 places, do new things... and setting these goals and objectives have never been difficult for me, I've always just set it and then did it. But now, I find myself truly at a loss, not just in terms of coming up with more list, but questioning myself, to what end? And the inevitable and dreaded question... now what?
When I reached 21, I had a life plan which involved doing well in my career, going abroad to work and ended off with getting a Masters (well there was the whole get married in 2012 plan but that pooped over in 2011). So now, after completing my course, I realize now the need to re-chart my life and I find, to my own surprise and for once, I truly do not know what to do. Sure, I can go ahead and make stretch goals like learn a new language within 6 months, read 100 books, travel in EU, exercise thrice a week, volunteer again... but these are merely self-made pockets of activities to fill free time, do I really get excited about them, they are starting to lose their appeal to me? Right now, I'm just going through the motions, doing things to get through the day or just because it's the right thing to do.
Instead of coming up with things to do that just sounds cool... perhaps now is the time to start thinking of who I want to be and then, what to do next will just come naturally. If I had a crystal ball that peers into the future, what person would I want to see, what will I be doing?
You know, I really do not know.
Maybe this is just a never ending question that people, during their moments of solitude think about, and then they blank out, sweep it under the carpet and start planning personal stretch goals to distract themselves from ever thinking about it further.
1 comment:
sounds like me before i met your kor mei... you're just searching for your mate. Once that part of your life is in place, everything else esp career goals become just peripherals - at least thats how its been for me.
*hugs*
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