my christmas thoughts

a few random things and a few random people i want to talk about...

1. I sort of seem to prefer Christmas eve than christmas day every year. Maybe there's more action on christmas eve but there really doesnt seem to be anything special on christmas day (besides the symbolic meaning). Whats more, dont u find it weird that the whole of December concentrates on that ONE day, the 25th. Everything is "attributed" to the spirit of christmas, isnt it sad then, when that day finally comes and is over. what do u have left then? Anything special that happens before christmas is attributed to it, anything special that happens after is attributed to what? After christmas, its just anti-climatic.

2. I was extremely down, thank you for coming over to chat with me despite your obvious fatigue. It was hilarious to see your huge "transportation device" in my house and it was comforting to have someone to talk to. I needed to hear your stories to prevent me from thinking of mine. And despite what i've said, "dont feel sad" does help. especially if it came from you.

3. I am a naturally sad person, i am. I get lows periodically and it is because of no particular reason at all. Its just, to me, a condition. Its not because im lonely (but who isnt?), its not because of something that happened, its not because of quarrels, its not because of insecurities or fear. Its just something i get, it wont last long, it does have consequences and it will come back again. But its not something i like at all, in fact i try to avoid it as much as i can, im still trying to figure a way to eradicate it but thats like saying to change who i am. i dont deal with it well at all, i break down, i act weird and for that, i ask for tolerance and patience. And if anyone sees me in a cranky, sad, morbid, depressed mood or just not who i usually am, give me a hug and tell me things will be fine. You don't have to lie to me, or tell me impossible things like world peace is coming or that im going to get bloody rich. It is at this period where i really dont want to see anyone but i know seeing friends would make me feel very much better. It is a time when im truly torn by myself.

4. It is amusing and sad at the same time that i keep missing u. When u call,i dont answer, when i call, you don't or can't answer. This "missings" have been going on for THREE days! Its like this game we're playing haha. Well, all i wanted to say was merry christmas and have a safe trip. We will go out when u come back from your sail trip.

5. I really missed u. i really did. and i have no idea why when we have experienced not seeing each other for more than a year before. haha, silly me. But either way, im glad that you're finally back (though not for long). Just ended a phonecall with you, i always enjoy myself when i talk to you, makes me feel for once that im really actually the happy person u see me as. My next post is a letter for you that i wrote eons ago before u left for "planes101" in Perth.