As a reply to Jiang's latest post....

Materials Safety Data Sheet on Men

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET

ELEMENT: Men
SYMBOL: Me
DISCOVERER: God
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 150lbs, but known to vary from 130-250lbs

OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a light fur like film.
2. Boils when placed in malls; freezes when questioned about a late night.
3. Melts if given lots of beer and special favors.
4. Bitter if missed favorite sporting event
5. Found in various states from rare state of sensitivity to common vulgarity
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for beer, sex, and a range of precious foods.
2. Absorbs great quantities of alcoholic substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning during playoff season.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation inalcohol.

COMMON USES:
1. Highly useful in trying new marketing adds on television. Will buy anything.
2. Can be a great aid to increasing the financial portfolio of other elements (see Wo).
3. Very effective couch ornament.

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen looks ghost white when discovered in the natural state.
2. Loses weight when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands and when coddled and played up to.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

TEN THINGS MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMAN
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10. Women have breasts.