Keeping it Simple

Ah.. just apologized to my mum for snapping at her...

She came in to tell me to pack my room and i just... i just told her i didnt wanna bother about it. Truth is, im so tensed nowadays, im so uptight about the smallest details... i feel that everything around me is making me so wound up and just tightening and tightening myself until i have no where else to go but snap.

If theres one thing i really dont like, its truly apologizing. Admitting you are wrong, stating your selfish reasons for doing so and then assuring you'll do your best not to do it again... the whoel routine just makes you feel more and more guilty, feel more and more like a fucking bastard. I really hate making true apologies... i hardly do it either..

I really go through eratic mood swings now and then, and these past few days, i've been really low and down and just inert.

I cant seem to find the energy to study and make my notes or do my reading, cant find the energy to get down to unpacking my room. Every night, i still wake up many many times in the middle of the night cause i fucking cant seem to sleep. And people around me dont really seem to know either, ah well, why should they. Humans are generally self-centered people who have nothing in interest but themselves. (A real theory by the way...)

This term has been nothing but a disaster, right from the start. the moving house thing, the birthdays coming up, the studying, the arts fest thing... sometimes you just wanna throw in the towel and go, "fuck it, lets go get wasted"... but like hell i would ever allow myself to do something as cowardly as that.

For the first time, i find it hard to concentrate on my readings and for the first time in ages, i took an afternoon nap. I hate taking afternoon naps, i truly believe they are a bloody waste of time, and i really dont buy the... give you lots of energy, power nap stuff... i mean, if it works for you fine,,, but it sure doesnt work for me...

I dont know why im so snappy either, im sorry... to everyone. fuck. i didnt even mean that.

But i do mean this.. im sorry for being so vulgar on this post... i guess, im just...

vociferating...