My long trip away

Fat load of good it did me. i thought you know, for once, i could just get away with all these shits. I dont have to care about depression, boredom, or the guys in my life, or even meeting with my friends. i just want to put all these behind me because im so fed up with thinking all the time. i needed a break and i was glad i got one.

one whole week in hongkong and the next whole week in australia. and now that im back, things dont feel like they change. which is why i've made my plan. i dont think i can deal with the usual crowd now. i may be too old for adolescence identity crisis but damnnit, im not too old to think about what the hell is going on with my life. back to the plan, to stay away from everyone for one month or maybe more. i dont know, to get away from all of them and when i emerge again, i hope they can see me for someone better. haha but all this sounds so delusional right? like im trying to make someone see me in a different light just because they havent seen me for so long. how bout one whole year?

Truth is, i dont really want to be alone. i want to hang out with people, but i dont want too either. makes sense? its a pole of opposites and the theory of idiocracy that i live by. shoot me. im not going to be meeting anyone for the next month or so. i want to be alone, i want some time for myself. i want to better appreciate my friends when i meet them again. i do not want hypocrisy nor do i want pretence. i want to find out who i want to be and be it. i'll edit this again after i talk to martin.

I'm back. seems thats what i've always been saying nowadays. "i'm back home" am i really? well, predictably, martin thought this "plan" is ridiculous but i dont think so. i think its essential, who knows maybe i wont last past a few months maybe i'l break down and oh god, run to the nearest company available. goodness, i hope the person nearest isnt anyone i have just mentioned.

or maybe its just pride, or lack of self confidence. who knows what i would on this journey? i'll be alone (by the way i dont buy the bullshit of being alone is happy) i'll find a few things, haha i hope i dont lose anything!. i'll be fine. i'll grow up.