Sometimes I blame myself because there is not enough delegation on my end. But I also know I would not want it any other way.
1. They are not in a position to be able to do the things I'm doing like engaging to the Clients on site as most clients are here.
2. Having me do this alone means all msgs come out in a consistent message
3. I've already gotten this far, it is difficult for them to catch up to where I am.
4. They are not too interested or feel they have a high stake to do things right.
5. I am ultimately not their direct superior so it is difficult for me to command things.
That said, I really need to start finding a way to do things better and more efficiently. But it needs to start with better communication on what I am looking for. My only concern is that I'm such a perfectionist that Even after i tell them exactly what i want, i still end up reviewing and redoing everything that comes to me... Which is what's sucking up my time now and making me feel tired.
But if I want to do a good job, and knowing it can only come from me... Aren't I now in a precarious position?
Then my next concern comes from my bosses and they are asking me what do I want to get out of this experience. Sigh, honestly...
1. I want to come out as a better leader. Not necessarily have the best change management deployment but just come out as a better leader. Which may not be what they are looking for...they'll probably tell me to aim for both but all I want is the former. But It's difficult managing your people if they are scattered across the globe like this.
2. Sigh, ok maybe to a small extent I also want to do a good job. Hey, who doesn't want recognition and achievement? And I know the only way to do a good job is to do the work... I don't need to be the best but I need to just do a good job.
3. I really wanna engage my clients. And I'm limiting my clients to not my team, but to my stakeholders. These are the key group of people and I wanna be involved with them. I wanna be on the ground listening to people, talking to people and explaining things to them. I may not know all the technical details but I want to be part of that whole process in engaging them and learning from them subsequently.
4. I wanna change myself for the better. I want to pray more when I'm here, I want to learn to be more patient, i want to learn how to take care of myself, I wanna exercise regularly. Sigh this is really the case of heart willing but body not moving.
I want so many things but I have so many excuses and challenges.
Maybe the final question I should ask myself... Even if I manage to do all these... Would that make me happy? Funny, i know deep in my heart I'm still going to be unhappy and tired. Sigh... Pray pray pray...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Ole Sangale Rd,Nairobi,Kenya
No comments:
Post a Comment